Close to home

Derek Miller died from cancer three days ago (May 3rd, 2011).  I didn’t know Derek and I didn’t know he had cancer.  I found Derek in an on-line article making note of his “last post.”  Derek had prepared a last post for his blog, one that would be posted upon his death.  The post, sadly, went up on May 4th.  You can read his post, and I recommend you do, at http://penmachine-bu.appspot.com/.

I’ve considered a lot of possibilities regarding my death.  I’ve thought of using one of those services that will deliver e-mail for you after you die.  I’ve thought of hand written notes given to friends with instructions to mail them at specific times after my death akin to that movie “PS I love you.”  I had not, however, considered a final post to this blog.

As Derek writes in his last post there are a myriad of things we won’t experience after we’ve died.  In my case my grandchildren growing up, marrying and producing kids of their own.  What my wife Marvina will do.  How my son and daughter will fare.  Who will be there to help after I’m gone.  Lots to think about but not much one can do about it.

I can, though, avoid leaving this world with the regret of not having told everyone all the things I wanted to say but somehow put off or forgot to.  I’ve felt that regret when friends and family have died.  But for one more day to tell them how important they were to me.

I may author a final post.  I may not.  But what I will do though is to make sure I say and do all the things I can before I die so that I won’t leave carrying the regret of things undone with me.  I may choose to say some of them here.  I don’t know.

But after reading Derek’s post I know one thing for certain.  I can’t begin to tell Marvina enough how much I love her and what she’s meant to me.  I will though.  In every way I can.

I love you Marvina.